Nice girls don’t wear Cha-Cha heels

Borrowing a line from my favorite trash cinema seems apropos as the Lehigh Valley Roller Girls take on Charm City’s Female Trouble this coming Saturday, July 14 at the Independence Family Fun Center in the lovely industrial quarter known to locals as Schnecksville, PA.

You don’t have to be a nice girl or wear cha-cha heels, but you must come to the IFFC and watch the ladies of LVRG battle it out against Charm City. As always the facts are the same, doors fly open at 5pm, first whistle blows at 6 and no glass bottles please. BYOB, leave the large coolers in the car. Bring ID if you want to drink adult beverages, no exceptions.

Tickets are $10 in advance, kids are half price, $12 at the door. The clock is ticking away so catch up with the nearest roller girl and save a couple bucks while avoiding the long ticket line. This will be a good one for sure (aren’t they all?). And if you haven’t been to a bout yet, get down to the IFFC this weekend! If you are a regular reader of this blog you know it’s always massive fun. Charm City is coming to the Valley from Baltimore, so you can certainly drive a few miles to Schnecksville, PA. No excuses! See you there or I’ll send Dawn Davenport to get you!

To purchase your tickets online, click the handy link here.

What’s black and white and ref all over?

Courtesy: LVRG

Have you ever wanted to become more than a roller derby fan but not ready or interested in being on the bad end of a hit? Well I have got some great news for you today. The Lehigh Valley Rollergirls are looking for some good men and women to become NSO’s and referees.

Yes, you too can become a part of the action while staying somewhat safe from harm’s way! LVRG will be having an open recruitment session specifically for future refs and NSOs (non skating officials) at 8pm on Monday, July 16 at Independence Family Fun Center in Schnecksville, PA.

By becoming a referee or non-skating official, you will learn the ins and outs of women’s flat track roller derby and gain a richer appreciation of the sport. You will finally be able to know what all those hand signals mean, the difference between major and minor violations and the reason why your favorite roller girl ended up in the penalty box.

Roller derby looks and feels entirely different when it is orbiting around YOU. The officials are an integral part of the game, without them the whistle doesn’t blow and the bout doesn’t take place. Another perk is you get to point at people without it being considered rude, yell at them (and they have to listen, though they may yell a few choice words in your general direction) and send adults into a timeout. That alone is worth considering taking your enthusiasm for the sport to the next level.

Black shirts (NSOs) and vertical stripes (Refs) are very slimming and look great on everyone. People will come up to you telling you how fabulous you look and asking what your fitness regiment is. You will get a workout in addition to merely looking good. The pace is fast and you have to be on top of things to catch all the penalties. Rollergirls can be sneaky, they’ll try to get an illegal move in if they think you aren’t looking.

Being an official comes with tremendous responsibility. You must be fair and totally unbiased. You will have to keep your emotions in check while working a bout. You can’t jump up and down fist pumping if Rose Beef knocks an opponent into the crowd, or look the other way if Loogie Vuitton happens to use a brilliant but unauthorized move on someone. When you are in the role of official your job is to ensure the outcome of the bout is as honest as possible. Save your emotions for the after party at Grumpy’s.

Another cool perk is you’ll also get to have your very own officially recognized roller derby name. Do you have a secret derby name you’ve been dying to use? Well now you can.

You’ll look important by holding a clipboard. It’s a known fact that if you are holding a clipboard people think you are in charge, and now you will be. You will also get to lay down the tape for the track, so you can boast to your friends and family, “See the track? I helped build it. And I’ll be tearing it down too!” How cool is that? Not only will you have a hand in defining the actual playing surface, you get to destroy it at the end of the bout (well not the wood floor, but you do get to pull up the tape).

And there’s even more, you will get to go to the bouts for free. No more waiting on long lines at the door or trying to track your favorite roller girl down for a pre-sale ticket. Think of all the money you’re going to save. You can use the extra cash to buy cool socks and referee clothes.

And finally, you will make incredible friends that will become your new roller derby family. So what are you waiting for? Get a sitter, take time off from work if need be and sashay your little booty to the IFFC. Get in the game!

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